Drumroll Please…..

OK, I screwed up the date on the infusion. It isn’t today, It’s next Friday. Well, Ex-cuuuuuuuuuSe me. Anyway, I now have a free afternoon. But here’s the big news. I just got a job offer from WXXI, Rochester’s public television/radio broadcaster. I am incredibly exited about making my way back home to public television.

I start on the 15th of October and will be selling underwriting for the station.  I feel healthy and ready to go!

So if you are in the Rochester area, own a business and need to do some advertising, beware! I’ll be calling.

Third time’s the charm

I have my third Tysabri infusion in 45 minutes. I expect to be a new man shortly thereafter. Wish me luck.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Rainy days and Thursdays

Feeling good today. In fact if I had to describe mood, I would say moderately jovial. Looking forward to job offer soon. The kids are healthy. Been in touch with friends and relatives for chats recently. Things are pretty good. I’m actually looking at my future and, to me, it seems less than bleak. That’s a good thing.

Now I have to go sign up the boys for basketball and buy Alex a trombone lesson book. I know that sounds like fun and you are probably thinking “I wish I could do that stuff for you Vlad”. Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment but I have to do this myself. These things are part of the responsibility of fatherhood, and I embrace them. But I really do have to go do this stuff.

Parenthood. Tell me what you think. Are you a parent with obstacles. What’s it like, and what do you do about it?

Big News, at least almost big

I had a second interview for a grrrrr-eat job! I met with an executive vice president and an assistant VP. It went very well (at least from my perspective). I really think they liked me. I am exceptionally well-qualified for this job, and I think they can see that. My resume seems to have built specifically for this job, though I didn’t change a word.

I’m not saying where this job is for fear of summoning the bad luck gods. But we discussed a number of topics with which I was very comfortable. I just have a really good feeling about it, save one little problem: This blog exists and I didn’t edit it. You may ask, “What’s the problem?” At least those of you who have no eye for the obvious may ask this.  Here’s the rub: I did not disclose my unfortunate little case of MS. Now I know I can do this job, and do it well. But MS has this quality that tends to make employers nervous. They think, “I’m going to hire this guy and get stuck with a cripple”. Now I am not saying this is unreasonable. Had I the opportunity to choose between two applicants and I knew one of them had Parkinson’s disease, ALS, or AIDS, all other things being equal, I would probably (definitely?!?) choose the other. It’s common sense. Who would want to be stuck with such a liability. Think of the investment one makes in a new employee, the training, physical plant, benefits, etc. Why would I put myself in  position of suffering such a loss?

Of course, all things are rarely equal. And the future is uncertain. Should I hire the seemingly healthy employee, who is to say they wouldnt have a preference of driving really fast while intoxicated. Or glade skiing. Or Russian roulette. Who’s to say they don’t end up having a grating personality. Or a meth habit. Maybe by night they become a cross-dressing thrillseeker who enjoys frequenting Country Western bars. You just never know.

In contrast I stay home most nights save for the occasional support group, board or school meeting. I barely drink any more, and certainly never drive while drinking. I don’t play any extreme sports. No motorcycles. Eat healthy. Am on a tremendous new medication which is likely to keep me healthy for years, and thanks to my vegetarian wife tend to eat healthy. My mental faculties are just as acute as ever. My limbs work fine and all my senses are top-notch, except for my sense of touch, which  seems to be returning in my feet and left hand. The right hasn’t done much.

Anyway, it boils down to: I’m a good hire. Though I seem to use colons (the grammatical kind) a little to often.

I’m not someone who prays often. In fact I never pray. But I’m tempted this time. I would feel like a hypocrite if I did so I won’t. But if anyone out there does pray and if you might be inclined to pray for someone you don’t know very well, I certainly won’t get mad if you did.

Let me know what you think.

Bad Vlad

I know, I’ve been bad. I spoke with my cousin Jasmina yesterday and realized I hadn’t blogged in almost two months. To say I’ve been busy would be disengenuous to say the least. I just haven’t felt like writing. I’ve had ups and downs. Should I go on disability, should I find a job, should I switch to Tysabri, stay on Avonex, switch doctors, stay with the same?

I’m not going on disability. I am going on Tysabri. I did switch doctors and the new one is tremendous. He sits with patients, talks strategy, actually recomends a course of action, tells you you could be in serious trouble if you don’t start getting aggressive. I love this guy. I saw him speak at the Marriot the other week, and he actually cares! His wife has MS. He’s on a mission and he wants to stop MS in its’ tracks. I start Tysabri either at the end of the week or beginning of next. It’s more powerful than Avonex and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t be allergic to it in any way. If you engage in prayer, feel free to start now.

I couldn’t get the boys into camp this week, so for the most part I’ll be hanging out with them. I have a job interview tomorrow, so my mom will watch them for a couple of hours. My nephew Adam wants to go to a movie with me tomorrow afternoon. I probably won’t be able to. That may be sking to much of Baba (that’s what my mom is called, it’s a Macedonian thing)

I’ve been thinking a lot about the  the fact that a lot of employers are now Googling potential hires to see what kind of stupid stuff they are loading onto their MySpace pages. I’m thinking my blog is pretty tame and if anything shows how thoughtful and responsible I am.  I hope it doesn’t paint me as scatterbrained and helpless. I don’t know, what picture are you getting?

Again, whatever the future holds, and I had this conversation last week with someone, it is usually solved by serendipity. Either something is meant to be and it all comes together, or it isn’t. I always attempt to recognize opportunities as they arise and grab hold when appropriate. It’s always worked before, so there is no reason to despair. If this interview doesn’t work out, it won’t be because I didn’t try it’ll be because something better awaits. I’ve heard of all kinds of successful people who make opportunity happen, even when it wasn’t there, but I generally don’t believe it. Luck has as much to do with success as self-direction.

I’ve been lucky to get some good jobs, lucky to have a great family, lucky to have some amazing friends, lucky to get a disease at a time there are real treatments to help me. Do I believe any of this? Yes. Do I believe all of it? Well….

Let me know what YOU think?

I survive father’s day, at least so far

Chis is in Boston. I’m hanging with the boys and we’re generally having fun. They went in the pool with the kids from next door. I only had to yell at them twelve or fifteen times. Not bad. Zach only cried once after Alex nailed him in the nuts. Alex of course denies the whole incident. I’m not saying I don’t trust my son, but that is typical.

 Now we’re watching Moonraker with Roger Moore, the suave and slightly effeminate James Bond. Personally I like this one, but again Moore cannot hold a candle to Sean Connery’s  version of the indestuctable 007.

Chris won’t be home untill 11pm probably. I think I’ll order pizza. I know this post is very pedestrian but I just can’t manage any insightful musings right now. Maybe tomorrow. School is almost over for the boy. The heat is coming into its own. The pool is still a little too cold to comfortably wade. Air conditioning. Shade. Water. I’m getting through just fine.

 Tomorrow is another day to promote affordable housing, cheap apartments, help people of low income, stuff like that.

I can’t believe I used the words “pedestrian” and “musings” in the sam sentence.

http://www.affordablesearch.com

 

Turn and face the strain

I seem to quote lyrics a lot. Ch-ch-ch-changes. They happen a lot. Daily even. I work for a company that should, “should”, revolutionize the affordable housing industry. The noble purpose, to help people of low income find affordable housing communities nationwide. Yet despite the obvious need, it hasn’t completely taken off. It is working for those who can find it, but it is difficult to find. That will change. We’re going through redesign with some developers who know what they are doing. We still publish the magazine in New England and that helps a lot. But we need links and they are hard to get. Anyone with a website who wants to help with this great cause–link to AffordableSearch.  Our prospects won’t buy from us because we don’t show up on top when they plug the word “apartments” into Google’s search engine. We show up with a lot of other search terms, but ‘apartments’ just isn’t hapening yet. So help us out.

I have seen emails from people in Seattle looking to move to Newport, RI, so I know the concept is sound. If you have a website, or know someone with a website, link to us. It’s the humanitarian thing to do.

Now on to the reunion. It was a blast. Old friends. New conversations. Drinking. Eating. Hugging. It was just what I needed. See, I work from home. Sometimes I go to conferences and have meetings with prospects, but for the most part, I sit at my laptop, make phonecalls and dream of human contact. I am a social person. I can’t help it. I enjoy banter and philosophical, soul-searching conversation. I like to say that in college, I majored in “dinner conversation”. I probably would have made a great ambassador to Belgium. My life is about the funny quip. The turn of phrase. The perceptive social comment. I love words.  Sociolingistics was my favorite subject of all time. Did you know that some cultures have an actual word for “the day after tomorrow”? Macedonia has one: Drugiden. Language often eveolves through war, and invasion. Wanna bet that you are gonna see some English words slipping into Arabic soon. Ditto, mass media.

Sorry, the reunion. I saw Shelli, Belush, Erin, Chose, Sweet Pea, Pear,  Anna Nicole (actually, Diane, but she had the whole Anna Nicole thing going.), The Captain, Diz and Mary, and on and on… It was great. Everyone looked absolutely beautiful, or at least fit. We ate at the Old Libary, and at some party house in Olean. We drank at the Burton (I stuck with vodka tonics, can’t drink beer any more. I know that’s lame) We talked outside the dorms till four in the morning. This guy I never partied with at school, John Pepper, is on of the funniest guys I have ever met. And I still haven’t actually met him. But he reagailed us with some very funny stories loaded with pop cultural references. He was good fiends with Jim Aroune and Jim would always tell me how funny he was, but the guy is brilliant.

I spent a lot of time with Julie and Shelli. They are so cool. I know that is kind of a worn adjective. But they really are cool. Julie said she always thought of me as a brother. I kidded her about that but, I’ve never had a sister, so it was nice. I hope I get to see them again soon. Of course, she is in Connecticut and Shelli’s in Western Ma. Sweet Pea is a bigshot at Quaker Oats, and I have decided that he is an excercise anorexic. You should see the dude. Skinny as a pole. Belush sells mortgages and Chose is a lawyer in Alaska. We had a heartfelt and somewhat drunken converstation about Tricia. We both miss her. He feels that in an alternate life he is still with her. I wish that had worked out the way it was supposed to.

We missed Tricia at the reunion. We also missed Kevin, Tom, George, Alex (though he wasn’t our year, he was a fixture at the Burton),  Lisa, Loz, and many others. Life goes on. Teri wasn’t there either. Just as well.

Well, my fingures are going on me. Friday I walked to the Burton with Pea in 90 degree heat. Not the best idea, but I made it. Heat’s a-comin’. Tonight Alex has another play-off game. It’ll be hot, but so far, I’m makin’ it. Not too much of a problem. I just have to get my head straight and practice mind over matter. The mom’s and dads at the game are fun to hang with while we watch. Alex is doing well. I’ll have to practice batting with him. When he wants to he can hit. But he gets nervous and that doesn’t help.

I hope someone is reading this, I’d love to get some comments.

xoxo

I’m off

Here goes! I’m off to the reunion. Two hours and twenty minutes until I am back to the birth of my adulthood, St. Bonaventure University. I’ll see old friends and a few people I never really liked all that much. I mean I liked almost everyone except for one tall blond guy who stole my girlfriend senior year. She’s the one who left me but I still don’t like him. He treated all of his girlfriends like crap.

But that is ancient history. He is probably a congressman now and will likely be investigated for something soon. No danger of that  happening to me.

It is HOT today, in the 90’s. I’m staying in a dorm room, but I am gonna bring a fan. I don’t remember any air conditioning down there when I was young. This may be torture, but it will be worth it for the nights. Drinking with old friends. None of that binge stuff, I’m way to old for that. Just a couple of cocktails and some, hopefully, good conversation and banter. A lot of that.

I’ll miss my family, my kids, my cat, my pool and most definitely my wife. She may not know it, in fact she most certainly doesn’t know it, but she means everything to me. This is from the heart, not trying to earn brownie points because she never reads my blog, but I love her.  I just wish I could show it a little better. What glitch in our nature allows us to underappreciate those we love the most? Is it “you never really know what you have until you lose it?’ I don’t know but starting now, well two days from now, I will strive to the utmost to be the best husband, partner, and friend I can be.

That’s another vow! I’m on a roll…

VS

Has it really been this long since I posted

I just let it all go. Work, Brigadoon, everything. I have not accomplished a damn thing in two months. Ever since the episode in Florida, it’s like I am paralyzed. Unable to move forward, or even backward for that matter. I am stuck in ice. Is this really the best time to go to a college reunion?

I just saw that one classmate owns a mortgage company, another a PR firm, presidents, entrepeneurs, millionairs, winners.  And what do I have? A beautiful family, two great kids, a nice house with a big back yard, friends that sometimes call or write. I don’t know –I’ve got the tape measure out and it’s not looking too good.

I have no money and am incapable of getting anything accomplished. I taught High School for one year, but I can’t do that again, I just feel too dizzy, too scattered.  I’m not depressed, I’m really not. I could be in a wheelchair. I could be alone. I could be homeless. I really have it good compared to so many people.

But the thing is, I was supposed to be successful. I always did well in school. I was on the way up at WGBH. The possibilities seemed endless, then BAM! A train wreck completely throws me off the golden tracks. A diagnosis that for two years made a shambles of my life. Depressed, unfocused, I no longer saw a shiny path to non-profit success. Suddenly I just saw a downhill future filled with storm and stress. Why me? Why ME? I did it all right. Studied, stayed out of trouble, was nice to people, not destructive. I’m not saying I deserved anyhing great, but I didn’t deserve this.

How would others have navigated my path? With perseverence, strength and passion. Or  with a “woah is me” moan. All I know is I handled the path exactly the way I did. I didn’t do it any better or worse than the way I actually did it. Shoulda, woulda, coulda…didda. There is no backtracking. No making things right. There is only moving forward. Moving foward. Moving. MOVING! I am still moving and I vow that no one is taking that away from me. No one. No thing. No damn disease. I don’t always win. But this time…..

I admit it…

OK, it’s true, I miss Chris. It’s strange, things are going well, the boys have behaved the whole time she’s been gone. They’ve even really helped me out quite a lot, things like clearing the table and throwing out garbage. They really have been tremendous and very little yelling these past few days.

But I still miss my wife. We fight and pick at each other and she nags me cause I’m lazy and complains that we don’t talk enough. But you know what? When it comes down to it she really is the best partner. When you are a couple there are parts of your soul  intermixed. Parts that aren’t complete when that she’s is away.  I’m not sure where that part is or what it normally does,but right now it kinda aches a little bit.

This is kinda like when Chris was working in Seattle and we had just met and started to get close. She was having a blast living in an apartment with this really gross nurse she knew. I wrote her daily. Not emails, this was the very early 90’s, but actual letters and cards and stuff. I wrote romantic stuff and silly stuff and all these love poems like I was some kinda English major (I was). And I told her I wanted to be with her. I even thought briefly about moving to Seattle, they have a really great public tv station out there and I was sure I could have weasled a job out of them. But she came back. Must have been the poems.

This is before we knew anything about my MS. She thought I was just a healthy young man who shared her interests and gave her multiple orgasms. What else would she need to know, right? Boy have we shared some big stuff. Kids. Health changes. Houses. Jobs. Careers. Trusts and distrusts. KIDS. You share all of that with someone and you are always intertwined, like I said. Connected. Together. Chris is more than my other half because she counts for more than I do. Always good. Chris will go out of her way for someone she doesn’t even know before asking someone to make an effort for her. It’s her most annoying, and endearing, habit. But she does take up more than half in this team. I would say 63%. I may be underestimating. I need her more than she’ll ever know. Thursday. I can make it.

Maybe someone can tell me about their other half…