Bad Vlad

I know, I’ve been bad. I spoke with my cousin Jasmina yesterday and realized I hadn’t blogged in almost two months. To say I’ve been busy would be disengenuous to say the least. I just haven’t felt like writing. I’ve had ups and downs. Should I go on disability, should I find a job, should I switch to Tysabri, stay on Avonex, switch doctors, stay with the same?

I’m not going on disability. I am going on Tysabri. I did switch doctors and the new one is tremendous. He sits with patients, talks strategy, actually recomends a course of action, tells you you could be in serious trouble if you don’t start getting aggressive. I love this guy. I saw him speak at the Marriot the other week, and he actually cares! His wife has MS. He’s on a mission and he wants to stop MS in its’ tracks. I start Tysabri either at the end of the week or beginning of next. It’s more powerful than Avonex and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t be allergic to it in any way. If you engage in prayer, feel free to start now.

I couldn’t get the boys into camp this week, so for the most part I’ll be hanging out with them. I have a job interview tomorrow, so my mom will watch them for a couple of hours. My nephew Adam wants to go to a movie with me tomorrow afternoon. I probably won’t be able to. That may be sking to much of Baba (that’s what my mom is called, it’s a Macedonian thing)

I’ve been thinking a lot about the  the fact that a lot of employers are now Googling potential hires to see what kind of stupid stuff they are loading onto their MySpace pages. I’m thinking my blog is pretty tame and if anything shows how thoughtful and responsible I am.  I hope it doesn’t paint me as scatterbrained and helpless. I don’t know, what picture are you getting?

Again, whatever the future holds, and I had this conversation last week with someone, it is usually solved by serendipity. Either something is meant to be and it all comes together, or it isn’t. I always attempt to recognize opportunities as they arise and grab hold when appropriate. It’s always worked before, so there is no reason to despair. If this interview doesn’t work out, it won’t be because I didn’t try it’ll be because something better awaits. I’ve heard of all kinds of successful people who make opportunity happen, even when it wasn’t there, but I generally don’t believe it. Luck has as much to do with success as self-direction.

I’ve been lucky to get some good jobs, lucky to have a great family, lucky to have some amazing friends, lucky to get a disease at a time there are real treatments to help me. Do I believe any of this? Yes. Do I believe all of it? Well….

Let me know what YOU think?

I survive father’s day, at least so far

Chis is in Boston. I’m hanging with the boys and we’re generally having fun. They went in the pool with the kids from next door. I only had to yell at them twelve or fifteen times. Not bad. Zach only cried once after Alex nailed him in the nuts. Alex of course denies the whole incident. I’m not saying I don’t trust my son, but that is typical.

 Now we’re watching Moonraker with Roger Moore, the suave and slightly effeminate James Bond. Personally I like this one, but again Moore cannot hold a candle to Sean Connery’s  version of the indestuctable 007.

Chris won’t be home untill 11pm probably. I think I’ll order pizza. I know this post is very pedestrian but I just can’t manage any insightful musings right now. Maybe tomorrow. School is almost over for the boy. The heat is coming into its own. The pool is still a little too cold to comfortably wade. Air conditioning. Shade. Water. I’m getting through just fine.

 Tomorrow is another day to promote affordable housing, cheap apartments, help people of low income, stuff like that.

I can’t believe I used the words “pedestrian” and “musings” in the sam sentence.

http://www.affordablesearch.com

 

Turn and face the strain

I seem to quote lyrics a lot. Ch-ch-ch-changes. They happen a lot. Daily even. I work for a company that should, “should”, revolutionize the affordable housing industry. The noble purpose, to help people of low income find affordable housing communities nationwide. Yet despite the obvious need, it hasn’t completely taken off. It is working for those who can find it, but it is difficult to find. That will change. We’re going through redesign with some developers who know what they are doing. We still publish the magazine in New England and that helps a lot. But we need links and they are hard to get. Anyone with a website who wants to help with this great cause–link to AffordableSearch.  Our prospects won’t buy from us because we don’t show up on top when they plug the word “apartments” into Google’s search engine. We show up with a lot of other search terms, but ‘apartments’ just isn’t hapening yet. So help us out.

I have seen emails from people in Seattle looking to move to Newport, RI, so I know the concept is sound. If you have a website, or know someone with a website, link to us. It’s the humanitarian thing to do.

Now on to the reunion. It was a blast. Old friends. New conversations. Drinking. Eating. Hugging. It was just what I needed. See, I work from home. Sometimes I go to conferences and have meetings with prospects, but for the most part, I sit at my laptop, make phonecalls and dream of human contact. I am a social person. I can’t help it. I enjoy banter and philosophical, soul-searching conversation. I like to say that in college, I majored in “dinner conversation”. I probably would have made a great ambassador to Belgium. My life is about the funny quip. The turn of phrase. The perceptive social comment. I love words.  Sociolingistics was my favorite subject of all time. Did you know that some cultures have an actual word for “the day after tomorrow”? Macedonia has one: Drugiden. Language often eveolves through war, and invasion. Wanna bet that you are gonna see some English words slipping into Arabic soon. Ditto, mass media.

Sorry, the reunion. I saw Shelli, Belush, Erin, Chose, Sweet Pea, Pear,  Anna Nicole (actually, Diane, but she had the whole Anna Nicole thing going.), The Captain, Diz and Mary, and on and on… It was great. Everyone looked absolutely beautiful, or at least fit. We ate at the Old Libary, and at some party house in Olean. We drank at the Burton (I stuck with vodka tonics, can’t drink beer any more. I know that’s lame) We talked outside the dorms till four in the morning. This guy I never partied with at school, John Pepper, is on of the funniest guys I have ever met. And I still haven’t actually met him. But he reagailed us with some very funny stories loaded with pop cultural references. He was good fiends with Jim Aroune and Jim would always tell me how funny he was, but the guy is brilliant.

I spent a lot of time with Julie and Shelli. They are so cool. I know that is kind of a worn adjective. But they really are cool. Julie said she always thought of me as a brother. I kidded her about that but, I’ve never had a sister, so it was nice. I hope I get to see them again soon. Of course, she is in Connecticut and Shelli’s in Western Ma. Sweet Pea is a bigshot at Quaker Oats, and I have decided that he is an excercise anorexic. You should see the dude. Skinny as a pole. Belush sells mortgages and Chose is a lawyer in Alaska. We had a heartfelt and somewhat drunken converstation about Tricia. We both miss her. He feels that in an alternate life he is still with her. I wish that had worked out the way it was supposed to.

We missed Tricia at the reunion. We also missed Kevin, Tom, George, Alex (though he wasn’t our year, he was a fixture at the Burton),  Lisa, Loz, and many others. Life goes on. Teri wasn’t there either. Just as well.

Well, my fingures are going on me. Friday I walked to the Burton with Pea in 90 degree heat. Not the best idea, but I made it. Heat’s a-comin’. Tonight Alex has another play-off game. It’ll be hot, but so far, I’m makin’ it. Not too much of a problem. I just have to get my head straight and practice mind over matter. The mom’s and dads at the game are fun to hang with while we watch. Alex is doing well. I’ll have to practice batting with him. When he wants to he can hit. But he gets nervous and that doesn’t help.

I hope someone is reading this, I’d love to get some comments.

xoxo

I admit it…

OK, it’s true, I miss Chris. It’s strange, things are going well, the boys have behaved the whole time she’s been gone. They’ve even really helped me out quite a lot, things like clearing the table and throwing out garbage. They really have been tremendous and very little yelling these past few days.

But I still miss my wife. We fight and pick at each other and she nags me cause I’m lazy and complains that we don’t talk enough. But you know what? When it comes down to it she really is the best partner. When you are a couple there are parts of your soul  intermixed. Parts that aren’t complete when that she’s is away.  I’m not sure where that part is or what it normally does,but right now it kinda aches a little bit.

This is kinda like when Chris was working in Seattle and we had just met and started to get close. She was having a blast living in an apartment with this really gross nurse she knew. I wrote her daily. Not emails, this was the very early 90’s, but actual letters and cards and stuff. I wrote romantic stuff and silly stuff and all these love poems like I was some kinda English major (I was). And I told her I wanted to be with her. I even thought briefly about moving to Seattle, they have a really great public tv station out there and I was sure I could have weasled a job out of them. But she came back. Must have been the poems.

This is before we knew anything about my MS. She thought I was just a healthy young man who shared her interests and gave her multiple orgasms. What else would she need to know, right? Boy have we shared some big stuff. Kids. Health changes. Houses. Jobs. Careers. Trusts and distrusts. KIDS. You share all of that with someone and you are always intertwined, like I said. Connected. Together. Chris is more than my other half because she counts for more than I do. Always good. Chris will go out of her way for someone she doesn’t even know before asking someone to make an effort for her. It’s her most annoying, and endearing, habit. But she does take up more than half in this team. I would say 63%. I may be underestimating. I need her more than she’ll ever know. Thursday. I can make it.

Maybe someone can tell me about their other half…

NY trip

The New York trip may not happen at this point. I don’t know if they are going to be able to find a flight back for me that gets me home at a decent hour. Plus Chris told me there’s genna be some serious snow coming. Oh well, it would have been fun, but….

I’m told our redesigned website will launch soon, and that it will be much easier to use. I haven’t decided whether I should sendour my Friday e-mails any more. I haven’t had immediate measurable success with them, so I think I’ll suspend them for a while. Next time I send our an e-mail it will be to specifically talk about the redesign. I hope that is sooner rather than later.

I feel pretty good. Still doing my taper dose of steroids. I like the energy. I am drinking so much coffee these days that I think I’mgoing to actually turn into a coffee bean. Which may not be ther worst thing in the world.

Take care people,

me

Jaunt to NY…

So now Biogen is flying me to NY for a few hours on Monday so I can help them test an “MS simulator”.  I just talked to Pam and she’s going to send me an e-mail with some infor about the trip and who to contact to make arrangements. I guess the purpose of this MS simulator is to have doctors experience how their patients feel for 5 minutes. It’s a little mindboggling to me because it is a machine that will puportedly allow me to experience what MS feels like. I have MS. I know what MS feels like —for me. But I don’t know what MS feels like for Linda, or Kim or Steve, or Russ or Andi or any of the countless other people I know who have MS. I can’t imagine, would not want to imagine what MS feels like for my father. MS is so individual. So unique to everyon who has it. And yet there is also commonality.Those of us who have discussed it ad infinitum in support groups or through personal conversations can certainaly relate to some aspects.

This is be a very valuable experience. To go through someone elses interpretation of MS will really give me some new perspectives. What if they are right and I am wrong? What if the other people there all experience one thing and I another? What if they get it exactly right? What if one of the things they try to do is to fabricate the experience of numbness? I’m already numb. Will I experience double secret probation numbness? This is turning into like a marijuana haze philosophical experience, without the marijuana.

So they are going to make a video of us MS folks taling abot the experience. Wonder If they’ll pay me for this. Probably not. but it’ll be fun.

Well I do that Monday. Chris will be in California so I’ll need a babysitter and I’ll have to make sure my mother is available in case something happens at the school with the kids.

I am getting too busy. I have to make some phone calls. Some sales…

Blog me.

They got me!

I should say I let them get me. It was one of the old April Fools chestnuts. They put shaving cream in my hand then tickled my nose. 7:30 am. I was awake and let them do it. They were so cute, whispering and sneaking around. I made a face and they completely cracked up. Wouldn’t stop talking about it. I did end up getting some shaving cream on Alex andmy wife, but I couldn’t get Zach. He wouldn’t come near me.

Later Alex brough me coffee in bed and it had rubber spiders and a chocolate eyeall in it. Still later they sprayed me with confetti and bubbles. Luckily Chris only let them do the harmeless stuff. Alex wanted to powder me with raw eggs and Zach wanted to shove a cake in my face. I’m sure they’ll escalate their attacks over the next few years, but so far they’ve been pretty harmless. They have idea what I can be capable of doing once they get older. (insert ominous laugh here.

So I went to my support group breakfast today. It was fine, mellow. Sat next to Steve and told him that porn e-mail hesent was opened by my wife and I got into trouble for it. He said he didn’t like it either. I told him not to do that again. I mean why should Iget into trouble for something that was totally not my fault?

One of our suppor groupd members that I had only met a couple of times, died two weeks ago. Apparetnly she had a stroke. I feel bad, she was very nice and we joked around when we met. Then she’s gone. The rest of the group really misses her.

The res of he day has been very, very frustrating.I can’t find my recharger for my cell  phone. Who knows what calls I may be missing. I’ve looked everywhere. Tomorrow I’m going to Cingular to buy a new one. I know it will turn up eventually. But I can’t afford eventually. I need now. Then Craigslist is still taking down all of my ads. This is killing me.

Kids are home. I gotta go. Sounds like Zach lost his first toothe. Yeehaw!

Blog me…

Lunch and visit

I’m gonna go visit my dad in the nursing home. Hopefully Alex will come with me. We’ll stop at Burger King for a little something, then head over. I think my mother will be there too. I know I don’t go visit him enough. I do try, and I plan it, but there are a lot of things that I don’t do enough. I don’t excercise enough. Don’t sleep enough. Don’t pay my bills enough. the list goes on and on. I do spend time with my kids and I do work, but I need to do more. Is there enough of me to go around? I don’t think so. I’m feeling not too bad right now on the steroids, and over the next couple of months I’m expecting some decent revenue from work. It just is never enough. I constantly need more. More affrmation, more attention, more friendship, more security, more expression, more money, more love….

It never ends. Like I’m different from every other person in the world, right. We all need more. Who is perfectly content? Anyone. I’ll bet the Pope has plenty of bad days. Maybe that guy on American Idol with the pony tail, mohawk thingy and no talent. He must be pretty happy with himself. Going further than he has an right to, and sticking it in everone’s face. I’m thinking that guy just needs to go to Barhain and hang out with Michael Jackson for a while. Not that I watch that show, but he seems to be all over tv anyway.

Well the birthday is tomorrow. 42. Not that I mind the age but, April Fools Day has never been berry, berry gud to me. I’ll live. The kids promised they wouldn’t do anything to me, but I don’t believe them. They don’t have an ounce of honesty in those little bones. They’ll try something. But it’s usually the same thing every year, so I’ll get them back. We’ll hav fun.

Oh and anyone looking for an affordable apartment go to www.affordablesearch.com and find the perfect place now.

Take care. Blog me baby…

Started the steroids

Started the steroids yesterday and feeling pretty good. Actually my fingers don’t hurt as  much when typing so that’s an added benefit. I am much more awake and aware.  The cleaning ladies just left and the house looks great so I’m in pretty good shape. I just left a message for the Wagners to see if they are bringing their kids to the Y this afternoon afte dinner. I’d like to bring the boys swiming or stick them in the Adventure Center for an hour.

So sales are coming in in dribs and drabs but still a lot of people saying that they want to wait to see how things shake out with the website. I suppose people did the same thing with Criagslist, Ebay and Amazon at first too. But, though I am in for the long haul and we all are, this is a slow slog to success. When it happens it’ll be good, and how can it not happen, people really need affordable housing and they need to be able to find it. We’re the source for that. People really need to see us for what we are. We’re not here to make a ton of cash, after all the ton just isn’t there. We’re here to make a little profit, but mostly to fill a much needed niche. If you are looking for an affordable apartment or a cheap apartment as a lot of our users call them, then use www.AffordableSearch.com. The more people use our site the more we become serious players.

What else? Got a call from someone working for Biogen Idec yesterday asking me all kinds of survey questions related to MS: When was I diagnosed? What were some turning points in my life? How did I feel then? How do I feel now? Would I want to be a mentor to someone else  who has been diagnosed? Stuff like that. They said my answers were so good that Biogen might want to do something with me like a commercial or a video of some sort. Of course I did that commercial with Time Warner a couple of years ago, so I do have experience. Hopefully Biogen will give me a little something if that happens though. My insurence company has given them enough money over the past ten years to fully fund someone’s college education, several times over. But it would have been worth it even if I had to pay out of pocket. Of course if I had to do that I would be living in a tent right now. These drug companies deserve all that they are paid for developing life saving medications but as a society we have to figure out a way to better spread the wealth. One guy retires from an oil company and gets $300 million dollars? What the hell is that about? He did not povide that much value to the company. People starve in the streets and he deserves more money than 500 people could spend in a lifetime. Well actually it would be pretty easy to spend that much money. But it would also be pretty easy to live off of that much money divided 500 ways. Oh, you know what I mean.

I have to do something creative soon. I’m feeling the itch. maybe finish the book. We’ll see. Will someone please blog with me?

Prepared for lift off

Ok. Flight is booked and confirmed. Hotel, booked and confirmed. Rental car, booked and confirmed. My brother is going to drop me off at the airport. I just have to go out and get some cash, for just-in-case stuff. Then I’m heading back here, shaving my head, making some last minute calls, printing out some stuff for Pinnacle. I’ve succeeded in entering 40 propert basic listings, but I have to finish the rest. The presentation is all set and Matt is sending some handouts down to the hotel in Orlando. I really don’t think I’m missing anything.

I felt so horrible this morning because of the shot. Worst I’ve felt in a long time. No fever, but just achey beyond belief. So I called Martha at the MS clinic to see if she could order me some steroids. Chris can pick them up at the hospital pharmacy.

I still feel overwhelmed.  So much to do. So much riding on this presentation. With sixty properties represented at this Pinnacle meeting. we could do well this month. Or it could turn out to be a break even. Most of the properties are in Florida.Long waiting lists. Hopefully I can still convince them that there is a reason to advertise on the web. Build up that waiting list, make people aware of their community, put it all out there so they don’t have o espond to millions of individual phone calls.

Anyway, I’m nervous and excited. This site is turning a corner. it is such a natural: help people find affordable apartments, inexpensive places to live. As someone with a disability, I feel like I’m really not that far from living in one of these communities, and after talking so often with the people who work in these property management companies, really the nicest people in the world, many with a real sense of mission, I wouldn’t mind living in one. As long as I can have my inernet tubes!