I survive father’s day, at least so far

Chis is in Boston. I’m hanging with the boys and we’re generally having fun. They went in the pool with the kids from next door. I only had to yell at them twelve or fifteen times. Not bad. Zach only cried once after Alex nailed him in the nuts. Alex of course denies the whole incident. I’m not saying I don’t trust my son, but that is typical.

 Now we’re watching Moonraker with Roger Moore, the suave and slightly effeminate James Bond. Personally I like this one, but again Moore cannot hold a candle to Sean Connery’s  version of the indestuctable 007.

Chris won’t be home untill 11pm probably. I think I’ll order pizza. I know this post is very pedestrian but I just can’t manage any insightful musings right now. Maybe tomorrow. School is almost over for the boy. The heat is coming into its own. The pool is still a little too cold to comfortably wade. Air conditioning. Shade. Water. I’m getting through just fine.

 Tomorrow is another day to promote affordable housing, cheap apartments, help people of low income, stuff like that.

I can’t believe I used the words “pedestrian” and “musings” in the sam sentence.

http://www.affordablesearch.com

 

Turn and face the strain

I seem to quote lyrics a lot. Ch-ch-ch-changes. They happen a lot. Daily even. I work for a company that should, “should”, revolutionize the affordable housing industry. The noble purpose, to help people of low income find affordable housing communities nationwide. Yet despite the obvious need, it hasn’t completely taken off. It is working for those who can find it, but it is difficult to find. That will change. We’re going through redesign with some developers who know what they are doing. We still publish the magazine in New England and that helps a lot. But we need links and they are hard to get. Anyone with a website who wants to help with this great cause–link to AffordableSearch.  Our prospects won’t buy from us because we don’t show up on top when they plug the word “apartments” into Google’s search engine. We show up with a lot of other search terms, but ‘apartments’ just isn’t hapening yet. So help us out.

I have seen emails from people in Seattle looking to move to Newport, RI, so I know the concept is sound. If you have a website, or know someone with a website, link to us. It’s the humanitarian thing to do.

Now on to the reunion. It was a blast. Old friends. New conversations. Drinking. Eating. Hugging. It was just what I needed. See, I work from home. Sometimes I go to conferences and have meetings with prospects, but for the most part, I sit at my laptop, make phonecalls and dream of human contact. I am a social person. I can’t help it. I enjoy banter and philosophical, soul-searching conversation. I like to say that in college, I majored in “dinner conversation”. I probably would have made a great ambassador to Belgium. My life is about the funny quip. The turn of phrase. The perceptive social comment. I love words.  Sociolingistics was my favorite subject of all time. Did you know that some cultures have an actual word for “the day after tomorrow”? Macedonia has one: Drugiden. Language often eveolves through war, and invasion. Wanna bet that you are gonna see some English words slipping into Arabic soon. Ditto, mass media.

Sorry, the reunion. I saw Shelli, Belush, Erin, Chose, Sweet Pea, Pear,  Anna Nicole (actually, Diane, but she had the whole Anna Nicole thing going.), The Captain, Diz and Mary, and on and on… It was great. Everyone looked absolutely beautiful, or at least fit. We ate at the Old Libary, and at some party house in Olean. We drank at the Burton (I stuck with vodka tonics, can’t drink beer any more. I know that’s lame) We talked outside the dorms till four in the morning. This guy I never partied with at school, John Pepper, is on of the funniest guys I have ever met. And I still haven’t actually met him. But he reagailed us with some very funny stories loaded with pop cultural references. He was good fiends with Jim Aroune and Jim would always tell me how funny he was, but the guy is brilliant.

I spent a lot of time with Julie and Shelli. They are so cool. I know that is kind of a worn adjective. But they really are cool. Julie said she always thought of me as a brother. I kidded her about that but, I’ve never had a sister, so it was nice. I hope I get to see them again soon. Of course, she is in Connecticut and Shelli’s in Western Ma. Sweet Pea is a bigshot at Quaker Oats, and I have decided that he is an excercise anorexic. You should see the dude. Skinny as a pole. Belush sells mortgages and Chose is a lawyer in Alaska. We had a heartfelt and somewhat drunken converstation about Tricia. We both miss her. He feels that in an alternate life he is still with her. I wish that had worked out the way it was supposed to.

We missed Tricia at the reunion. We also missed Kevin, Tom, George, Alex (though he wasn’t our year, he was a fixture at the Burton),  Lisa, Loz, and many others. Life goes on. Teri wasn’t there either. Just as well.

Well, my fingures are going on me. Friday I walked to the Burton with Pea in 90 degree heat. Not the best idea, but I made it. Heat’s a-comin’. Tonight Alex has another play-off game. It’ll be hot, but so far, I’m makin’ it. Not too much of a problem. I just have to get my head straight and practice mind over matter. The mom’s and dads at the game are fun to hang with while we watch. Alex is doing well. I’ll have to practice batting with him. When he wants to he can hit. But he gets nervous and that doesn’t help.

I hope someone is reading this, I’d love to get some comments.

xoxo

I’m off

Here goes! I’m off to the reunion. Two hours and twenty minutes until I am back to the birth of my adulthood, St. Bonaventure University. I’ll see old friends and a few people I never really liked all that much. I mean I liked almost everyone except for one tall blond guy who stole my girlfriend senior year. She’s the one who left me but I still don’t like him. He treated all of his girlfriends like crap.

But that is ancient history. He is probably a congressman now and will likely be investigated for something soon. No danger of that  happening to me.

It is HOT today, in the 90’s. I’m staying in a dorm room, but I am gonna bring a fan. I don’t remember any air conditioning down there when I was young. This may be torture, but it will be worth it for the nights. Drinking with old friends. None of that binge stuff, I’m way to old for that. Just a couple of cocktails and some, hopefully, good conversation and banter. A lot of that.

I’ll miss my family, my kids, my cat, my pool and most definitely my wife. She may not know it, in fact she most certainly doesn’t know it, but she means everything to me. This is from the heart, not trying to earn brownie points because she never reads my blog, but I love her.  I just wish I could show it a little better. What glitch in our nature allows us to underappreciate those we love the most? Is it “you never really know what you have until you lose it?’ I don’t know but starting now, well two days from now, I will strive to the utmost to be the best husband, partner, and friend I can be.

That’s another vow! I’m on a roll…

VS

Has it really been this long since I posted

I just let it all go. Work, Brigadoon, everything. I have not accomplished a damn thing in two months. Ever since the episode in Florida, it’s like I am paralyzed. Unable to move forward, or even backward for that matter. I am stuck in ice. Is this really the best time to go to a college reunion?

I just saw that one classmate owns a mortgage company, another a PR firm, presidents, entrepeneurs, millionairs, winners.  And what do I have? A beautiful family, two great kids, a nice house with a big back yard, friends that sometimes call or write. I don’t know –I’ve got the tape measure out and it’s not looking too good.

I have no money and am incapable of getting anything accomplished. I taught High School for one year, but I can’t do that again, I just feel too dizzy, too scattered.  I’m not depressed, I’m really not. I could be in a wheelchair. I could be alone. I could be homeless. I really have it good compared to so many people.

But the thing is, I was supposed to be successful. I always did well in school. I was on the way up at WGBH. The possibilities seemed endless, then BAM! A train wreck completely throws me off the golden tracks. A diagnosis that for two years made a shambles of my life. Depressed, unfocused, I no longer saw a shiny path to non-profit success. Suddenly I just saw a downhill future filled with storm and stress. Why me? Why ME? I did it all right. Studied, stayed out of trouble, was nice to people, not destructive. I’m not saying I deserved anyhing great, but I didn’t deserve this.

How would others have navigated my path? With perseverence, strength and passion. Or  with a “woah is me” moan. All I know is I handled the path exactly the way I did. I didn’t do it any better or worse than the way I actually did it. Shoulda, woulda, coulda…didda. There is no backtracking. No making things right. There is only moving forward. Moving foward. Moving. MOVING! I am still moving and I vow that no one is taking that away from me. No one. No thing. No damn disease. I don’t always win. But this time…..