I admit it…

OK, it’s true, I miss Chris. It’s strange, things are going well, the boys have behaved the whole time she’s been gone. They’ve even really helped me out quite a lot, things like clearing the table and throwing out garbage. They really have been tremendous and very little yelling these past few days.

But I still miss my wife. We fight and pick at each other and she nags me cause I’m lazy and complains that we don’t talk enough. But you know what? When it comes down to it she really is the best partner. When you are a couple there are parts of your soul  intermixed. Parts that aren’t complete when that she’s is away.  I’m not sure where that part is or what it normally does,but right now it kinda aches a little bit.

This is kinda like when Chris was working in Seattle and we had just met and started to get close. She was having a blast living in an apartment with this really gross nurse she knew. I wrote her daily. Not emails, this was the very early 90’s, but actual letters and cards and stuff. I wrote romantic stuff and silly stuff and all these love poems like I was some kinda English major (I was). And I told her I wanted to be with her. I even thought briefly about moving to Seattle, they have a really great public tv station out there and I was sure I could have weasled a job out of them. But she came back. Must have been the poems.

This is before we knew anything about my MS. She thought I was just a healthy young man who shared her interests and gave her multiple orgasms. What else would she need to know, right? Boy have we shared some big stuff. Kids. Health changes. Houses. Jobs. Careers. Trusts and distrusts. KIDS. You share all of that with someone and you are always intertwined, like I said. Connected. Together. Chris is more than my other half because she counts for more than I do. Always good. Chris will go out of her way for someone she doesn’t even know before asking someone to make an effort for her. It’s her most annoying, and endearing, habit. But she does take up more than half in this team. I would say 63%. I may be underestimating. I need her more than she’ll ever know. Thursday. I can make it.

Maybe someone can tell me about their other half…

NY trip

The New York trip may not happen at this point. I don’t know if they are going to be able to find a flight back for me that gets me home at a decent hour. Plus Chris told me there’s genna be some serious snow coming. Oh well, it would have been fun, but….

I’m told our redesigned website will launch soon, and that it will be much easier to use. I haven’t decided whether I should sendour my Friday e-mails any more. I haven’t had immediate measurable success with them, so I think I’ll suspend them for a while. Next time I send our an e-mail it will be to specifically talk about the redesign. I hope that is sooner rather than later.

I feel pretty good. Still doing my taper dose of steroids. I like the energy. I am drinking so much coffee these days that I think I’mgoing to actually turn into a coffee bean. Which may not be ther worst thing in the world.

Take care people,

me

Jaunt to NY…

So now Biogen is flying me to NY for a few hours on Monday so I can help them test an “MS simulator”.  I just talked to Pam and she’s going to send me an e-mail with some infor about the trip and who to contact to make arrangements. I guess the purpose of this MS simulator is to have doctors experience how their patients feel for 5 minutes. It’s a little mindboggling to me because it is a machine that will puportedly allow me to experience what MS feels like. I have MS. I know what MS feels like —for me. But I don’t know what MS feels like for Linda, or Kim or Steve, or Russ or Andi or any of the countless other people I know who have MS. I can’t imagine, would not want to imagine what MS feels like for my father. MS is so individual. So unique to everyon who has it. And yet there is also commonality.Those of us who have discussed it ad infinitum in support groups or through personal conversations can certainaly relate to some aspects.

This is be a very valuable experience. To go through someone elses interpretation of MS will really give me some new perspectives. What if they are right and I am wrong? What if the other people there all experience one thing and I another? What if they get it exactly right? What if one of the things they try to do is to fabricate the experience of numbness? I’m already numb. Will I experience double secret probation numbness? This is turning into like a marijuana haze philosophical experience, without the marijuana.

So they are going to make a video of us MS folks taling abot the experience. Wonder If they’ll pay me for this. Probably not. but it’ll be fun.

Well I do that Monday. Chris will be in California so I’ll need a babysitter and I’ll have to make sure my mother is available in case something happens at the school with the kids.

I am getting too busy. I have to make some phone calls. Some sales…

Blog me.

They got me!

I should say I let them get me. It was one of the old April Fools chestnuts. They put shaving cream in my hand then tickled my nose. 7:30 am. I was awake and let them do it. They were so cute, whispering and sneaking around. I made a face and they completely cracked up. Wouldn’t stop talking about it. I did end up getting some shaving cream on Alex andmy wife, but I couldn’t get Zach. He wouldn’t come near me.

Later Alex brough me coffee in bed and it had rubber spiders and a chocolate eyeall in it. Still later they sprayed me with confetti and bubbles. Luckily Chris only let them do the harmeless stuff. Alex wanted to powder me with raw eggs and Zach wanted to shove a cake in my face. I’m sure they’ll escalate their attacks over the next few years, but so far they’ve been pretty harmless. They have idea what I can be capable of doing once they get older. (insert ominous laugh here.

So I went to my support group breakfast today. It was fine, mellow. Sat next to Steve and told him that porn e-mail hesent was opened by my wife and I got into trouble for it. He said he didn’t like it either. I told him not to do that again. I mean why should Iget into trouble for something that was totally not my fault?

One of our suppor groupd members that I had only met a couple of times, died two weeks ago. Apparetnly she had a stroke. I feel bad, she was very nice and we joked around when we met. Then she’s gone. The rest of the group really misses her.

The res of he day has been very, very frustrating.I can’t find my recharger for my cell  phone. Who knows what calls I may be missing. I’ve looked everywhere. Tomorrow I’m going to Cingular to buy a new one. I know it will turn up eventually. But I can’t afford eventually. I need now. Then Craigslist is still taking down all of my ads. This is killing me.

Kids are home. I gotta go. Sounds like Zach lost his first toothe. Yeehaw!

Blog me…